EMH log entry:
April 1st, 2001. This was a big day for us. Mister Paris managed to procure for eight of us a set of
priority seating passes to the "Star Trek Grand Slam" in Pasadena, California. The event marked Star Trek's
35th anniversary. Mister Neelix was willing to be subjected to many hours of cosmetic surgery to attend this
(and he still had to wear a hat). And I went through a little "cosmetic surgery" as well; Lieutenant Torres
worked from specifications I provided her. Let's just say Seven had a little competition that day. The rest
of the team resorted to more conventional accoutrements: false facial hair, dyes, glasses, etc.
Kate Mulgrew and Garrett Wang each had their own full segment. Due to the ridiculous cost just to have these
stars move a writing implement across a printed surface, only the Captain and Mister Kim were allowed to
autograph tickets for their dramatic counterparts. Five other Voyager cast members shared a session, thus
stilting our sole opportunity to see these performers interact with any great depth.
Seven expressed surprise over Tim Russ' conspicuous drawl and Robert Picardo's
"relatively nasal tone" (I would not have described it as such. However, I admit that his
real voice took some getting used to; he obviously affects it to sound like me).
Mister Neelix kept nudging me every time Ethan Phillips opened his mouth. It got so bad, I
elbowed him once - nice and hard - so he'd get the hint. Chakotay laughed at everything,
which was highly irregular of him. Between that and the
phony captain's pips he wore to the show, he made several of us nervous.
On the autograph line, we all met the five actors (except Commander Tuvok, who chose to
remain on board). Seven purchased a CD from Picardo's representative. Most of us purchased
a book from Roxann Dawson and CD's from Russ and Picardo (I am looking forward to reading
Dawson's book. I want to see how well she writes. I can tell by her directed
episodes that she possesses a very engaging flare for the visual). Mister Neelix asked
Phillips (apparently Ethan's name is "John") what he was going to do once the series
wrapped. Mister Phillips informed us that he had already left, but that he would
return for some final filming. The series would wrap the following week on Monday. For a
moment, the group of us and the actors faced one another. By coincidence, Mister Paris,
B'Elanna, Mister Neelix, and myself were lined up in front of our counterparts (the Captain was
in front of Russ). It was an uncanny, almost supernatural moment.
It was Mister Picardo who broke the silence. I had decided to wear my uniform to the show,
and he remarked that it was of a "finer quality than what was usually out there." Dawson
thought my mobile emitter looked "real cool." Mister Paris, whose features were concealed
beneath a beard, remarked that all things from the 29th Century looked cool to him, which
made the stars laugh. I told him it was one item he wasn't going to find on Ebay anytime
soon. Having dispersed the tension, we shook hands with them all and moved on.
Our collected moments on the autograph line were very brief but memorable. I'm glad we got
the chance to do this. On the shuttle flight back to Voyager, I noticed in Paris' small hill of acquisitions
(which included an assortment of toys and model kits) one of
Picardo's bumper stickers. For those of you who are unfamiliar with these: they feature a
small head shot of him as me beside large letters which spell out: "I break for
holograms." The money collected from these goes to charity. When I brought the bumper
sticker to his attention, he said he wanted to enter its parameters into a replicator and
output a large one for the Delta Flyer which reads: "I break for actors who break for
holograms." I hope he was kidding....
Mister Neelix couldn't wait to change into apparel which read on the front: "I've been to the
Delta Quadrant and all I got was this lousy T-shirt." They all purchased
this (B'Elanna has offered to scan it so that I'll be able to sport one as well if I
so choose). Chakotay is determined to convince the Captain that the entire crew should
wear it over their uniforms when we arrive home.
At 1900 hours that evening, there was a small gathering in the mess hall with those
off-duty. We told the crew who attended about our day. I thought I'd wear that Delta
Quadrant T-shirt. However, I didn't realize until some of them started laughing that mine
actually read: "Holograms do it in the light." I suppose Mister Paris had to get in at
least one more April Fool's joke before midnight.
Doctor signing off for now.